We’ve all been there, you thought you could take a small hit to relax a bit before meeting up with the family for a holiday gathering. That “small hit” turns into “well, I guess I need to cache this bowl out first” then, “I’ll smoke something lighter so I’m not completely stoned” to “okay, maybe I’ll just roast this bowl since it is weak and then I’ll just hit a vape pen before walking inside.”
You know where this is going by now, don’t you? Next thing you know, you’re sitting in your parents’ driveway, frantically trying to find a “soothing” radio station while googling “how t mke me not so high” and praying for autocorrect to take pity on you. It is all fun and games until you realize your entire family has been watching your public paranoia from the window as you realize the most productive thing you are capable of at this moment is browsing through your TikTok drafts in a state stoner bliss. Luckily for you, your old pals at Twisted Bee have heard your cries for help and we’ve put together a few tips for surviving the holidays while high.
Stay Away from Edibles
Who doesn’t love edibles? They’re convenient, discreet, and best of all, they will put you on your ass with a relatively small dose…but ask yourself, “how many times have you ended up too high because you miscalculated your edible dose?” Probably more often than not. That’s why we advise staying away from edibles unless you’re going to be in an environment where it is totally acceptable to be blitzed.
Locate Like Minds
We all have that family member who everyone considers the stoner of the bunch. Assuming you’re not the holder of that title already, you should locate that person and spend some time catching up with them. That’s because they’ve likely been in your shoes before. They know what it is like to be high in a group of people where you’ve got to keep things low-key as much as possible. Additionally, assuming the person you’re hanging out with isn’t also high, they can be a good indicator of how your attempt to stay incognito is going. In other words, if your stoner uncle doesn’t bat an eye when you cram your 3rd piece of sweet potato pie in your mouth, chances are they and the rest of your family hasn’t picked up on your pre-gathering blaze fest decision. Lastly, there’s an unspoken code amongst stoners that prevents them from putting others on blast. Let’s just hope uncle blunt is as cool as you are.
Bring Some to Share
We live in a country where the majority of citizens have access to some sort of cannabis product. In the event that someone calls you out and your cover is blown (…screw you, uncle blunt. You never were chill!) then you can always play the wholesome “I brought some to share with others” compassionate card. Who knows, you may just start a new family tradition!
Prepare Escape Tactics Beforehand
On the way there, make a mental list of things that seem totally harmless, but could get you out of a bind. Maybe you used to enjoy walking around the neighborhood or maybe there’s a park within walking distance that you once frequented. Prepping some ideas like this give you a chance to escape the heat if family members start pressing you. For instance, if your annoying aunt starts asking the significance of the 4:20 bumper stickers on your car or a nosey cousin can’t seem to stop bringing up the skunky smell in the room, then maybe it is time to implement one of those escape tactics. Getting outside will not only give you a chance to re-group and clear your head, but if you’ve overindulged, you’ll also have a moment to come back to earth a bit.
Entertain the Kids of the Family
You may not be a children-friendly person, but when you’re stoned, Baby Shark on repeat may not seem as mindless. Interacting with kids while high (and we’re talking playing games with them…we certainly don’t recommend actually trying to care for a child while high) is a great way to channel the goofy side of being stoned. Family members likely won’t think twice if they see you building Lego forts with your nephews and acting like an overall goofball. Try that stunt with your 86 year old granny and there’s a good chance that you will get some weird looks.
Clean Up After Yourself
Remember the days when you thought you were a master at hiding things from your parents? If so, you probably also remember the days when your parents proved that you weren’t so masterful in the art of deception. The same goes for your weed and paraphernalia. Don’t be the irresponsible stoner who leaves behind rolling papers only to have your parents question them later because chances are, they’re going to google the product before they ask you about it. Even worse is if they ask other family members first! Never forget, your parents were once your age as well. Though they may not have been hiding their bud, everyone has something that they’ve worked to keep from their parents. Pack lightly, check your pockets when you leave, and worse case, blame anything your parents find on a sibling.
Just be You
We’re hopefully closing in on the end of cannabis prohibition in this country. You’re a big kid now and (hopefully) you’ve got your shit together in life. With cannabis myths being dispelled faster than election fraud myths, more people are joining the “maybe this stuff isn’t as evil as I was once told” mindset. Now, more than ever, is a golden time to stand up for the things you believe in. Think about it, most of your family members probably have their own vice. Most stoners are proponents of the co-existing mentality. Maybe it is time to lightly introduce your family to your support of cannabis. What’s the worst that can happen? They make you leave dinner? Oh…no…*insert sarcasm here*. Unless you’ve got some seriously regressive family members (and they DO exist), more likely than not, this will open up a dialog around cannabis use and support. Not everyone will be on board and that’s fine…that’s their loss. You win in this situation because you no longer have to hide your support for a plant that has been around for 28 million years now!